On Human Fluency
Anatomy of a Fluent Encounter
Human proximity comes first. A living archive from France—letters, field notes, essays.
French Connections reads privately—slowly, personal, addressed to one.
✦ SOCIAL REFLECTIONS • PROXIMITY 10
SR-P10
Social Reflections is for Readers who stay with these questions over time.
It lives in the paid tier; the letters are meant to be kept and reread, not simply passed through once.
Introduce a Friend You’d Trust at Your Table →
5 trusted introductions = 1 free month of paid membership · 10 = 2 months · 15 = 3
You remember the corridor—Tuesdays and Thursdays—two faces gradually learning one another. A glance, then a smile, then the day it didn’t occur.
If The State of Human Connection underlined those small disappearances and how they accumulate, this text takes a closer view: how a single encounter can become fluent again.
By human fluency I mean the way an encounter is steered in practice. It begins with emotional literacy (EL)—having words that keep exchange humane. That baseline makes human readability (HR) possible: you can now perceive pace, hesitation, and availability more cleanly. Then literacy returns to the line and sizes it to what you just saw. EL → HR → EL—one loop of a fluent exchange.
And the good news is ordinary: people still meet each other well. Someone answers plainly. Someone lets you finish the long thought. Someone arrives a little early to help, or leaves with care. These are small acts, and they are enough to move two people closer.
Part I attends to emotional literacy—tone, pacing, and the choice of words that keep exchange humane.
Part II turns to human readability—perceiving another in real time and allowing oneself to be perceived.
Part III follows the fluent encounter—how those two capacities steer proximity.
On Emotional Literacy
Definition
Emotional literacy (EL) is a two-beat loop within one exchange: you read the other in petto—pace, hesitation, availability—then you size your wording to fit what you just read. The proposition can stay the same; the line you send changes so it can be answered here and now without pressure or self-betrayal.
Input: the proposition you mean to convey.
Process: read → adjust wording.
Output: a line that is answerable in this condition.
Three fit variables govern the adjustment:
Variables (E–H–D)
Entry (E): the angle of the first clause—how it arrives to the ear/eye.
Hour (H): the moment of delivery—when reception is realistically possible.
Demand (D): the amount placed now—the scope sized to the scene.
Axioms
Content Invariance. With the proposition constant, changing E/H/D changes reception.
Ceilings. A strong E cannot compensate for an impossible H; each variable has a minimum and limits.
Answerability Sufficiency. A reply becomes likely when E≥Eₘᵢₙ, H≥Hₘᵢₙ, D≥Dₘᵢₙ.
Keep the meaning unchanged. Edit the entry, honor the hour, dose the demand.
Operators (E–H–D)
E — Edit the Entry
Change the first verb/angle so the clause is answerable (question contour over verdict).
Effect: lowers abrasion whilst maintaining meaning.H — Honor the Hour
Place/send at a time the recipient can respond as themselves (fatigue cleared, attention available).
Effect: the clock does work words can’t.D — Dose the Demand
Resize the scope to a single next step; reserve the rest.
Effect: turns intent into a usable ask.
Move set: Edit · Honor · Dose.
Keep the meaning unchanged and touch one of these three; reception shifts. Touch two or three; odds improve again. Each has limits: a perfect first clause won’t rescue an impossible hour; a well-timed line still fails if the ask is oversized. Emotional literacy works inside those limits to make the exchange workable without pressure or self-betrayal.
We’ve set the wording baseline (EL). The next turn is to seeing—how a moment can actually be read. That’s Human Readability (HR), after which EL circles back to express the next line.
On Human Readability
Definition
Human readability (HR) is the live read you take of the other person’s condition—their Energy, Headroom, and Distance—while you keep your own signals consistent enough to be read in return. HR feeds the next pass of Emotional Literacy.
Input: the present minute (room, channel, state).
Process: scan → register → note (no motive-guessing).
Output: a read profile in E–H–D.
Variables (E–H–D)
Energy (E): tempo in the room—speech pace, pause length, response latency, overlap.
Headroom (H): available bandwidth now—attention free vs. still carrying the last interaction.
Distance (D): tolerable nearness here—physical spacing, turn length, topical depth before a flinch.
Axioms
Observability. HR names what can be timed or seen; it doesn’t infer motive.
Reciprocity. Your readibility is part of the read; others read you as you read them.
Limits. Clear E or D cannot compensate for missing H.
Markers of Fit
E — Energy aligned
Tempo matches: complete turns, clean pauses, short/long question → short/long answer.
Effect: the entry lands; one move advances.H — Headroom available
Bandwidth is open: nouns of time/place appear (“Tue 14:15,” “Verlet”), action verbs surface (“book,” “set”).
Effect: the hour becomes possible.D — Distance comfortable
Nearness is maintained: specifics are accepted; one detail is offered back.
Effect: the dose fits; there is something saved for later.
Energy · Headroom · Distance—already plenty to work with.
Fit the sentence (I). See the person (II). What opens belongs to both of us. Readability brings the door into view; literacy makes the crossing.
From reading and wording to an actual encounter.
Anatomy of a Fluent Encounter
Where we are. EL set the wording baseline; HR read the minute; EL returns to fit the next line. The narrative version of this choreography is here—Approaching / Allowing—Early June on rue Jean-Poulmarch, three guests, candlelight, and later, a WhatsApp that ends: “a cocktail for a sunny day soon.” Read that for the story; keep this for the contour.
E — Entry / Energy
What begins the exchange matches its tempo. In the dinner note you can feel the contrast: early paragraphs that arrive faster than the table, and another entrance that’s discreet, paced, unannounced. That second entry is answerable—the first line meets its recipient rather than outpacing it.
H — Hour / Headroom
Bandwidth exists, or is created. The note shows postponement that respects the minute, then a check-in that lands when attention is free. Time/place nouns appear—“Friday,” a location—so decisions become easy. Same words as before; a different window; movement with ease.
D — Dose / Distance
Scope fits this moment. One scene, one ask, one concrete step. In the dinner note it’s visible as a small, well-sized reply that neither inflates nor fades: no grand signal, right enough for the next move.
Put together: Energy aligned · Headroom real · Dose right-sized. That’s a fluent encounter. Read well. Say well. Let nearness set pace.
If you want to see the full sequence—the approaches, the permissions—read Approaching / Allowing alongside this letter. This section gives the map; that piece walks the street.
✦ For those inclined
Did a line land easily this week—and why?
Did you adjust one variable? If so, what changed?
When you resized the ask, how did the relation move—clearer, more consistent, or closer?
✦ Your move.
Pick one. Do it once.
Edit: Change the first verb; send the same idea.
Honor: Wait for a real window; send unchanged.
Dose: Cut to two lines + add a slot.
Introduce a Friend You’d Trust at Your Table → 5 introductions = +1 month menbership credit · 10 = +2 · 15 = +3
Related Writings
French Connections runs on reciprocated attention. Thank you for reading.
This framework is exactly what I've been trying to articulate for years. The E-H-D variables make so much sense when I think back to converstions that landed smoothly versus ones that missed completely. I've been unconsciously doing the "read then adjust" loop with close friends, but seeing it mapped out like this gives me language for something that felt purely intutive. Thanks for naming what so many of us experience but struggle to explain.